Sunday, May 06, 2007
Numerous times I've reiterated the futility of words, these useless tools, an impediment to potray emotions, express muses as transparent as you'll like, and this is one of the times.
I would attempt, but right now the brutal process I know will overwhelm and consume me into a deeper abyss of torment, already I am bleeding, within and without, incessantly.
I've been wondering how you managed to change my heartbeat again. I don't like being influenced, thus I've always loathed people who influenced me. I hate you influencing my heartbeat, getting into my vision and affecting my thoughts. Tell me how I can stop you from influencing my mind, how I can stop my mind from thinking about you.
I cannot conceive why loving someone to the point where you refuse to give up on the former, will equate to digging one's own grave, leading to exploitation of the soul so deeply, with not the slightest bit of remorse; such terrifying abuse.
Bestow upon me the skills, the delicate art of staying alive, when most of the time, you feel like you're bleeding to death. Sometimes I really feel like unleashing the fury, the vengeance, most of all the hurt and end it all by stabbing you to allow you to maybe comprehend a tenth of my pain. Then I'll stab myself for being such a fool for you, now and then.
I hate you. I really hate you, because you don't even give me a chance to forget you.
Even in slumber I get no peace.
For you,
I would've been foolish too.
I would've blinded myself to your visible flaws, deafened myself to protective protests of others.
Cherished and loved you tenderly.
My all,
Asking for naught, not status, nor your fidelity.
Regardless of the pain and hurt you would've inflicted, I wanted nothing more than your love, in return.
My wild child,
So forget, so forget me.
Don't think back, don't think back on me at all.
If that is what makes you happy.
Don't think, just stab.
the beauty exposed
Friday, May 04, 2007
Good morning starshine, the Earth says HELLO!
the beauty exposed
Saturday, April 07, 2007
you said hello, inside i'm screaming i love you,
you say goodnight, in my mind i'm sleeping next to you.
the beauty exposed
Been blogging much lesser than usual these days, no?
Sometimes, it takes nothing more than a few matter of fact statements to jolt someone (in this case, me) to my senses.
Maybe it didn't help me gain enlightment, but it is sticking around in my mind.
"Life is great for me. I've never been more happy and satisfied than now. What about you? Still emo-ing around?"
No? You sure? Haha. When even an acquaintance knows all you pretty much do is emo around.
"I think there's no secret to happiness. It all boils down to contentment and cherishing whatever that we have now. Life is short, so why not live your days as happy as possible instead of dwelling on the bitter issues?"
Contentment and cherishing what we have.
Yeah but if we go about this theory, living days happy, then why do we bother working/studying at all? Why don't we bum around living in an extended state of idyllic-ness, then die when you run out of money?
Make sense huh.
Jealousy will gnaw relentlessly to the very core of your heart, never stopping till it's hollow.
Envy kills. Remember that.
the beauty exposed
Sunday, March 18, 2007
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure you really are strong, you really do have worth and you learn and you learn with every goodbye, you learn.
"A failing love is like desperately holding on to something precious, not wanting to give it up, even when your hands feel the pain. And when you finally let go, you're free of the pain but your hands become empty."
the beauty exposed
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Had the sudden urge to revamp my hair, gave green light to my hairstylist to snip a few inches off my brown mane. Still struggling to accept the new hairdo, but i do fancy the new look. Long hair suits me better still, but trying out something new doesn't hurts.
the beauty exposed
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Long, but if you're interested, it might give you a brighter insight of my innerworld.
I once thought depression was the part of my character that made me worthwhile. I once thought so little of myself, felt that I had such scant offerings to give to the world, that the one thing that justified my existence at all was my agony.
Sometimes I think that I was forced to withdraw into depression because it was the only rightful protest I could throw in the face of the world that said it was alright for people to come and go as they please, that there were simply no real obligations left.
Certainly deceit and treachery in both romantic and political relationships is nothing new, but at one time, it was bad, callous, and cold to hurt somebody. Now it's just the way things go, part of the growth process.
I start to think there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and I wonder if it isn't one I'll have to fight for as long as I live. I wonder if it's worth it.
That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.
Starving, but I can't work up the strength to eat.
Exhausted, but I can't seem to fall asleep.
I'll need to kick the bucket a million times more, before I'll learn to kick the habit.
the beauty exposed
Thursday, March 08, 2007
One night, the moon whispered to me,
"If he makes you cry, will you leave him?"
I replied,
"Moon, will you ever leave your sky?"
the beauty exposed
Had the sudden urge to revamp my hair, gave green light to my hairstylist to snip a few inches off my brown mane. Still struggling to accept the new hairdo, but i do fancy the new look. Long hair suits me better still, but trying out something new doesn't hurts.